Thursday, March 6, 2014

Is V Possibly Related to D.O.? [An Exclusive Exo-K Interview]

So, yesterday I did this fake interview thing and I had so much fun doing it that I've decided to do another one. YAY!

This time around I have invited the members of Exo-K to enter my imaginary studio and gushed over their hotness. I think it went well.

Let's take a look~

*insert talk show theme song*
*theme song fades*

Me: Hi, everyone. Thank you for joining me on today's Ria Lee's Shabby Talk Show.
D.O.: That sounds familiar...
Baekhyun: Hey, it's you again! What is this? Manager!
Me: Please don't disturb him, he's asleep in the closet.
Suho: How do you know that?
Me: ...
Exo-K: ...
Me: Anyways, he's signed this piece of paper here so it means I've got the green light to do this interview with you guys. *grins*
Suho: *stands up* Sorry, we're going -
Me: Food will be here in two minutes.

"Food, you say?"
Kai: Chicken?
Me: Of course.
Kai: Everybody sit down.
Me: OK, now that everyone's settled in comfortably, let's get the ball rolling!
Chanyeol: Yes! Lego~
Me: Chanyeol, what drug are you on? And do you ever share it with the other members?
Chanyeol: What...I don't..I" drugs!

Me: Liar~ Ain't nobody got that high without some pills *wink wink*
Chanyeol: What is this?
Baekhyun: That's just how the interview goes.
D.O.: O.O

Me: Kai, do you like being named after chickens? I'm quite sure Kris has enlightened you with the real meaning of your name. If not, it means chicken in Cantonese.
Kai: No, that's not the meaning. It means "Keeper of the -
Me: Oh, you believed what SM told you? You're so cute.
Kai: Why would I be named "Chicken"?! All because I love fried chicken?!
Me: Also, your Chinese zodiac is a Rooster.
Kai: This is wrong...
Chanyeol: Aww...Kai baby, come here.
Me: Thehun -
Sehun: Make fun of my lisp again and I'll unleash the Panda on you.
Me: Ahahaha, you're funny! Uh-hmm, Se-hun. Are you channeling Kristen Stewart or do you just despise smiling?

Sehun: Who?
Me: That answers it. You're lucky your bitchface is one of the hottest around, right up there next to your Galaxy hyung's.
Sehun: ...thanks?
Me: Speaking of Laxy, what is Exo-M hotel room number in China anyway? So hard to find info on you guys nowadays *shakes head*.
Exo-K: ...
Suho: Guys, let's not answer that one. *whispers* And somebody, start calling the cops.

[Special guest appearance by Jimin as the doorbell ringer]
Kai: I got it! 
D.O.: *follows Kai* 
*both come back with chikins*
Me: Oh, look at all the chicken. Everybody dig in. Don't be shy. 

Me: I'll continue now. D.O., do you enjoy kissing Kai because he's the only one in this group who has lips as luscious as yours?
D.O. & Kai: *choking*
Chanyeol: Kai, when did you guys kiss? I thought you said I was your first?
Baekhyun: What? Wait, is that First Kiss or First -
*KaiSoo & BaekYeol bicker*
Suho: Guys, guys. We shouldn't let this creepily weird yet oddly attractive girl get to us. Can't you see she's just trying to tear us apart? I think she's a sasaeng. We cannot let her win like this. Letting her win means letting all the sasaengs of the world win - 
Sehun: Hyung, no one's listening to you *shoves another chicken into mouth*.

Suho: Of course.
Me: Aww, you think I'm cute?
Suho: What? No. I don't recall saying that.
Sehun: You said attractive.
Suho: Hush!
Me: Well, thanks for calling me that. In return, I will tell each and every one of you about your own attractiveness.
Suho: Starting from me?
Me: No, Kai. 
Sehun: Yehet.
Me: Kai, do you drink some kind of sexy serum or something? Because everything you do oozes sexiness. I've seen girls' ovaries exploding just from looking at your GIFs.

*bickering stops*
Kai:, I just work out and dance a lot.
Me: Just say you're born with it. Everyone knows you're a sex god. *naughy winkeu*

Exo-K: ...
Me: Sehun, I adore your bitchface, I wasn't kidding about it. If ever one day I lose the ability to move the muscles in my face, I hope my facial expression will be frozen as beautifully as yours.
Sehun: ...*turns to his hyungs* is she serious?
The hyungs: *shrug*
Me: Also, your pretty face is really suitable for vampirish make-up, especially coupled with dem circle lenses. I envy you...
Sehun: Ohorat!
Me: Chanyeol, you might look high as a kite sometimes but damn you are gorgeous! I love it when you frown - yes, like right now! I just have a thing for your frowning, especially when you combine it with a smile. There it is~ And your impish grin, dammit, so cute! I just wanna rip your face off.

Baekhyun: *moves to protect Chanyeol*
Me: Ooh, Bacon~
Baekhyun: Baekhyun.
Me: You should be protecting Channie with your legs instead of your arms.
Baekhyun: Legs? *looks down*
Me: Yes, fuck they're so hot! I love strong, manly legs like yours. Honestly I never bothered to let my eyes roam all over your body, I usually only do that to Kai. But in that KolonSport sneakers CF, you were wearing shorts that totally highlighted your sexxay legs. Damn, you should flaunt 'em, I vote you wear hotpants for your next comeback!

Like your fave sunbaes did~
Baekhyun: But thanks, I think.
Me: Not done. Your face? Gorgeous. I love how you can pull off smokey-eyed vampirish looks. Apart from Sehun, you make the best vampire. The others look like men in drags with all those heavy make-up but not you. Oh no. You and eyeliners? Perfect. And I love your lips. They're so tiny like a baby's. Doesn't anyone think Bacon's a freaking adorable baby?
Chanyeol: I do.

Me: And I can't thank you enough for making baby V. Though something funny I noticed, don't you think his smile resembles D.O.'s?

BaekSoo: *gulps*
Chanyeol: Are you instigating something here again?
Me: Aren't you jealous of Daehyun? He has a baby with Bacon.
Baekhyun: It was a one time thing! *puppy-whines*
Me: D.O, dear dear do-dyo,dyo-do. You're beautiful, you know that? No wonder Kai refuses to leave you even though Chanyeol is trying his best to lure him away from you.
D.O.: *turns to KaiYeol* O.O
Me: And Bacon was just flirting with you to mess with KaiYeol. But I think somewhere along the way, he starts falling for you for real.
Baekhyun: What is this?! 

*BaekKaiYeol war resumes*
D.O.: O.O
Me: Those eyes. Ugh, so big and round. I often imagine you can pop them out of your skull and then stick them back in again. Then there's your sexxay hearteu lips. When you sing, I don't know whether to ogle your whole squishy face or just focus on your lips. The way they form words is so sexxay.

D.O.: O.O
Me: Ooh, you like Amanda Seyfried, right? Is it because she's literally a blonde, female version of you? Ooh, ooh, did you watch the censored or uncensored version of Chloe? *wink wink*
D.O.: *stands up...quietly walks out the door*
Me: Suho.
Suho: Saved the best for the last, huh?

Me:, I don't really know what to say about you...

Suho: *pouts*

Me: Oh, right! I like the way you pout. So cute! I love your charismatic chin. And your skin is snowy white~ ...Though I actually prefer sexxay dark skin like Kai's and mine. Also, I love your deep wallet~ Speaking of which, here's your credit card back. Thanks for the chickens!
Suho: Hey, how did you? -
Me: OK, that's all the time we have. I think your manager's awake now. I'll see you guys another day. Byeeeee~~~ *runs off*
Exo-K: ...
Baekhyun: Kkaebsong.


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